What 18 Years of Marriage Has Taught Me

Our marriage turns 18 today – yep, it’s officially old enough to vote, drive, and graduate high school. 🎓 While we’re not quite ready to send it off to college, I’ve been reflecting on how much being married for 18 years has taught me about leadership.

As I recently launched my coaching business, I realized there are a lot of parallels between marriage and leadership. Both require a sense of humor, a solid commitment, and sometimes the ability to know when the other needs a solid hug. Here are 18 leadership lessons straight from the school of marriage:

1. Communication is key: Whether it’s navigating the grocery list or a team meeting, you can’t skip this one (even though sometimes you wish you could).
2. Active listening matters: Sure, you heard the words, but did you really hear the meaning?
3. Patience is essential: Growth, whether in a relationship or in a team, takes time.
4. Conflict is inevitable: And sometimes, even though you’re “right” you’ll still end up saying “you’re right”… just like in leadership.
5. Vision creates unity: Whether it’s planning a future or setting a company direction, shared goals are crucial – preferably written somewhere you won’t forget.
6. Trust is non-negotiable: Without trust, both marriage and leadership struggles.
7. Adaptability is crucial: Being flexible and open to change ensures that both relationships and teams thrive in the long run.
8. Consistency builds credibility: Showing up consistently for your spouse or team builds reliability and trust.
9. Compromise is strength: Sometimes it’s choosing the restaurant; other times it’s agreeing on a strategy. Either way, someone’s getting pizza.
10. Celebrate successes: Whether it’s finally getting the kids to bed or hitting a marketing ROI goal, celebrate!
11. Growth requires discomfort: Pushing through challenging times leads to evolution, both as a leader and as a partner.
12. Empathy fuels connection: Truly understanding the emotions of others fosters deeper connections and trust
13. Lead by example: If you’re going to ask someone to clean up their mess, be ready to clean up your own first.
14. Forgiveness is essential: You’ll need this, often. Letting go of past mistakes frees you to move forward in a healthier, more productive way.
15. Transparency builds respect: Whether at work or home, openness builds trust and respect.
16. Boundaries protect growth: Date night, self-care, or just saying “no” to the 6th Zoom call. Boundaries are essential.
17. It’s a partnership, not a dictatorship: Mutual respect and collaboration are key to success in both marriage and leadership.
18. Invest in each other’s growth: Whether you’re encouraging your spouse’s hobbies or mentoring your team, it’s all about mutual support (even if that hobby involves way too many pieces of wood in the garage and saw dust abound).

My 18 years of professional post-college experience and 18 years of marriage have given me a strong foundation to understand the power of relationships, whether personal or professional. (Also, I’m just realizing that’s like some sort of 18th golden birthday for me).